Here’s the thing: at the end of the day, we all need to be on the same page.

Do you have a job? Most of us do. We need the corresponding paycheck in order to pay the internet bill. And to pay for the space where the computer is setup and the general living area that surrounds it. And for the food - stuff like that. So, what do you get paid to do? Do you make food? Maybe you build houses, or perhaps you construct furniture or something like that? You know, something tangible: you go someplace where you turn raw materials into things that necessitate life. No? You don’t do that? You go someplace and talk on the phone to other people about things that seem important? You write and/or read documents that describe processes or procedures or prophylactics? You read emails and fill in numbers on cells on LCD screens? You make sure that something gets from there to there so that things happen and magnetic fields on the platter of one disk array are altered to correlate with those of another disk array someplace else?

Yeah, that’s kinda what I thought. That’s mostly what I do also. And so as a result of spending 10 hours of my day thusly, the magnetic fields of the disk arrays that correspond to the bank accounts that are indirectly linked to my name store patterns of digits that then spread out  across other similar fields on discs at Wells Fargo Mortgage and HarrisTeeter and Duke Power and Time Warner Cable so that life as I know it can continue on.

So the other thing that happens during a typical week is that people get really caught up in all of this really important activity. They come up with important thoughts and concepts that invariably conflict with those of others with whom they interact. They seem to do this as a goal in and of itself - the competing  thought generally being almost identical to those put forward by others but being at least slightly different along one axis in order to bring about some harangue that might result in an opportunity to win forth and demonstrate some worthiness for the paycheck that lives in the magnetic field.  This is wizardry in our time and most of us are stuck deep in it.

So if I am stuck trying to state something that you are probably going to also state, but slightly altered by 2 degrees in the Z axis, I must then come up with something that will simultaneously force you to understand while also obfuscating with time sucking attributes of nothingness that serve to fasten both of our minds up with lacquer to make things seem shiny and sticky. And so we have “on the same page” and “here’s the thing” and “at the end of the day” and any number of other casings and accouterments of business discourse.

“I would just like to point out that, from a customer perspective and the point of view of marketing, at the end of the day, we need to evaluate the synergies of this proposal and engage cross-functionally to flesh out the details of the marketecture in order to better conceptualize the potential of a win-win situation.”

People like to talk. Talking requires that sounds come from your mouth - usually in the shape of words. Mostly, people like to talk to other people. This implies that the other people are listening, but in actual fact they’re just waiting for their turn to make mouth noises that seem like words. Sometimes the words are about something that happened to them or maybe something they want to happen to them, but mostly the words are about other people. That is if those words are about anything at all. Most words are just noise to fill space and time.

For example, people will say “How are you?” or “How are you doing today?”. This is a formality that allows them to give the impression that they’re not in fact waiting to say a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with you. Generally, those issuing this query don’t actually about the answer and are not really prepared to have anything given back to them except for “Fine”, “Okay” or perhaps “Great”. It’s a sort of politeness instrument designed to let the other person have the first crack, but then allowing that person full rights to steam roll in after the other person has stopped making their mouth noises. I used to respond to this inanity with “I am”. But that was too short and confusing and just led, ironically, to complicated explanations. I switched to “I am a living”, which has sufficient syllables to mostly just go completely unnoticed. It does occasionally draw a chuckle or a remark and it has actually once caused some unintended awkwardness when said to a person who had recently experienced the loss of a relative. That person was no longer “a livin’” and so there was some repose and hesitation.

People also just like to say things just to have something to say - to either fulfill their turn (thus avoiding uncomfortable silence) or as a result of forcing themselves into the mix without actually having prepared a thought to surround with word noises. So they’ll repeat back whatever the current speaker just said. Or they’ll say “that’s funny”, or “that’s interesting” or “I know what you mean”.

Generally, people just want to talk. Listening is difficult and requires concentration which is work and work sucks. Ideas form and then they need to get out and into someone else’s ear and really that is all that matters. Dialog is virtually impossible to find. Banter probably evolved into our brains as a result of some kind of useful evolutionary mechanism - though it’s very difficult to imagine the specifics. It’s very like the chewing of cud: something that soothes the sated beast and helps with digestion.

Try this: the next time someone is speaking, even ostensibly, to you - just listen. Not just to the sounds, but to the words and the meaning. Ask questions. Hear them, pay attention and absorb. Think about the thoughts that their words summon and figure out what they really want to say. It’s hard work and I don’t make any guarantees that the results will immediately garner worth - but the exercise will. Once you get the hang of it, go a step further: challenge the talker. What do they really mean to get across? What are they really thinking? What lead them to carry forward on this topic of discourse?

No, you won’t actually do it - anymore than I will. It’s damned inconvenient. The people around me who engage in this verbal mouth breathing activity are generally there as part of some scheme in which my participation is required in order that my mortgage gets paid and my internet service continues. Or else I choose to immerse myself in their presence because the alternative is a bleak monologue of echoes that would certainly make me even stupider than I am now. The risk is too high - though I do see the reward as almost, but not quite, tipping the scales.

If it’s true that “all I can say is, Wow!”, then I would’ve just said that: “Wow!”. But I had to add more words, right? Because it seems odd to respond to something (such a picture of something spectacular or a really clever post) with such a monosyllabic throw-away. And yet, adding the “All I can say is…” - is that really any better? Especially since you did add those other 5 throw-away words. Really, we didn’t need any of it. But you threw it out there. Yeah, please stop doing that.

This happens in face-to-face, but it is annoyingly prevalent on der intarwebs. You see it in comments on blogs and replies to forum posts. People want to chime in - I can appreciate and relate to that. It is self validating. I do it all the time. I’m doing it now. Just don’t do that for its own sake, okay? Look at what you just typed. Is it worth reading? Does it contribute? What is your point? If you have a point, then write that down. Maybe say, “That is the most interesting picture of a cat playing a banjo that I have ever seen”. Spark up a conversation.